Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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