I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
