Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
