dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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