I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
