Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
