yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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