Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
false alarm, still single
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