Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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