i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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