Will you blow on my dice?
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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