I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
