i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
