Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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