I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just sucked dick on a ferry
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
