You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
