Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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