Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
