Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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