I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
