I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
