Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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