btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
