I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
