You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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