you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
