I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
try to milk me bitch
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