I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Are we in a gay sports bar?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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