and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
