i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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