Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
