Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
