what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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