in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
