I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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