and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
