True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
