Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
