she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
