Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
