my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
