I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
