Barsexuality is the new black.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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