I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
there was a trapeze. enough said
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
