we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
