Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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