guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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