I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
