i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
