Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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