I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
