u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
