Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
