i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm too high and old for this...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
