I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There's always time for handjobs
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
