I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
