Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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