That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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