is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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